So, I’m a girl. As a girl, I’ve noticed that a lot of dudes do improv. Not dudes like Axe-spraying, Ed Hardy living-anus bros, but those quirky, clever nerdy dudes who in high school subsisted on Dr. Pepper and Skittles. Nowadays, they are much the same, but have industry or tech jobs, still survive on skittles, are balding and wear shirts with clever witticisms on them. They weren’t as nerdy as the band geeks, but they also didn’t have as much sex as the band geeks. Ever notice that? How band geeks got a lot more sex than the rest of us?
Well, I did.
Anyhow, it’s hard being the girl in an improv group unless you assert the shit out of yourself. In my case, that means playing mentally handicapped eighth graders with speech impediments.
But I digress.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s hard being knee-deep in improv dudes with their improv dude references and their fancy indie-looking prescription glasses. To be a good female improviser, you need to hold your fucking own in the face of limitless “girlfriend” and “magicians assistant” labellings. Here is my advice, as a gal who has been the lone vagina in many improv, sketch and writers’ groups.
1. Try not to fuck anyone. Improv dudes WILL wanna fuck you. I know it’s hard (heh) but for real, fucking dudes you perform with gets damn melodramatic. And I’m not just saying this because I’ve been taking anti-anxiety medication since the tender age of sixteen. I’m saying this because it’s sometimes hard NOT to, because they’re pretty cute and then they see you perform and get a major improv boner for you. And therein lies the rub. Heh.
2. Make sure that you get a say in shit. I know it seems like a no-brainer, but often times being the one vag in a sea of dickweed you can be ganged up upon, boxed in. Especially in shit like naming the group, overarching creative choices, and shit that matters. It’s sort of in my nature to be passive about things (holds hand up coyly to mouth and giggles) but you fucking can’t be. Life is to short and Dane Cook lives.
3. Have a girl group. It’s integral to be around girls, perform with them and generally indulge in creative cohesion with fellow ladies. Why? Because otherwise it gets weird and competitive (if you let it) and GIRLS ARE YOUR ALLIES. Ladies, remember this! It’s easy to feel weird about other girls doing the same thing that you do and love…but it’s also easy to love the shit out of ladies because there is so much talent that doesn’t get represented. It’s the status quo that hetero, white guys are funny and girls, gays and darker-skinned dudes are and should be the minority. Break the status quo because its horseshit and it will mindfuck you.
4. Write constantly. Just write. Develop a voice; get an agent because you’re a talented writer who happens to have a vagina. Make that pussy work for you! Plus, writing informs improv, and vice versa.
Well, I guess that’s all I can think of after three Amstel lights and no dinner. I know I’ve been ragging on dudes for a while, but you know? I don’t hate dudes. I date dudes! And dudes are talented and funny and nice and generally not bad people for the most part. Also, they wear cute glasses and have facial hair sometimes and smell nice.
That is all.